Black Tie- Optional

Black Tie Optional….. I have never been to a benefit where an invitation said that… but I always liked the idea of it. The chance to get dressed up as far as you feel comfortable. Especially at a society event where there are rules and codes implied and expressed in the spoken and not so spoken way.

There are a lot of rules and conducts I thought I had to include within my invitation to life.

Rules about how I dressed

And what I ate

And how I ate

And what I said

And what my life was suppose to look like

When I was 14 I thought I was suppose to be married to the love of my life who adored me and we had two girls and one boy and I cooked casseroles and ran a daycare while he was at work.

I thought I was suppose to live in a house that I owned preferably with a red door

I thought I was suppose to stay at home and raise my children and bake cookies

I thought I was suppose to go on a mission for my church

I thought I was suppose to be a Republican

And never cuss

And never let anyone know I was mad

And to squelch every emotion I had unless it sprouted rainbows and unicorns and inspired leprechauns to feed daisies to wild mares

There are a lot of things I thought were not optional

Like having to put up with family and or friends that treated you like crap

And shaving my legs all the time

And always smiling and being filled with cotton candy and never a tone of dissension

I thought I was suppose to believe even when I doubted

And that I couldn’t yell at God

And that my religion was the only way

And that if I felt fear in my belly it was some warning to stay away from whatever was causing that burble to boil inside of me

I thought that I had to do good to have some guarantee of a good life

That safety only came from obedience

That I would only love one person

That I couldn’t question leaders and thoughts if great men or women came up with them

And I thought that I needed to look a certain way and act a certain way and say only certain things and feel only certain emotions if I wanted anyone to love me or admire me or care for me …. Including God

This morning in the shower…. I realized that most of those things…. are like a black tie at a fundraising event….. optional

Optional beliefs that I can choose or not choose

But just like that black tie has no real impact on anything other than my comfort level so do most of those beliefs I have held onto

I hate to shave

I really hate it

It’s a pain in the butt and bending over in the shower and propping up a leg is like a Cirque De So lei Act for me….and no one sees my legs except me…. So who the hell cares?

And religion… it annoys me and what I say to God and how I say that is really just between me and him and so decorum and some implied ritualized lifestyle is ….optional

Owning a house…. Would be way to overwhelming for me…a nd frankly I don’t want that kind of responsibility looming over my life and tying me to one place forever….and so even a home… my biggest material dream I have realized…. Is optional

Sticking with family or friends or lovers that treat you like garbage…. Optional

Feeling guilty ….. Optional

Being obedient just for safety sake….. Optional

One by one as I go through my life I realize there is so little I really absolutely have to do….

Love God

Love my fellow man…. That’s it

The only two absolute things in my life

The rest is really just a black tie … something I string around my neck to choke myself and live uncomfortably so I can appear well coiffed and impress the world around me

And this is just me I am in no way implying if you choose to believe these things you do it to impress….please know that. I have many friends who are salt of the earth people and go to church and own a home and I have realized we all have our own path….

I just sort of like having my outer eyes continually saying “Meh”

The joy is…. If you want to act a certain way

Or believe a certain thing

Or live a certain way

Or have a house

Or vote republican…… it’s all optional

There is so much freedom in our lives and I adore that aspect… I love that just because I don’t care doesn’t mean that I’m right

And just because you do care doesn’t mean you’re right

Back Ties are really awesome…. And at times I do think it’s fun to wear one…. But what I am realizing more and more is …. I’m not really a black tie kind of girl…. I prefer red boas…

And even those are really just ….. optional